So it’s been a while ..
.. since my last post
Plenty has happened
I shifted places again. This time, to stay with complete strangers, a nice couple actually. Also my first time hunting for room to rent, it is more difficult than I thought. Went to check out a few places and gave myself a one-week deadline to meet. Some of the places I went to see were surprisingly .. shocking and I consider myself very lucky to have found where I’m staying now. I guess it’s a good location to travel to work and my frequent hangouts, safe and homey. Rental wise, would have preferred a cheaper place but with all that’s included, I ain’t complaining
Funny thing now is, the weekend that I shifted, Nayati was kidnapped. Hit the news, social media, went worldwide. Was a little too close to home and also because my boss’ son goes to the same school. While everyone had a different theory on why the kidnapping took place, especially it being one day before Bersih 3.0, I’m just glad that the kid came back safe a week later, albeit the ransom. Even more hilarious? Reading that the kidnapper used the ransom to pay for his honeymoon in the papers a couple of weeks after
So then came Mother’s Day. Was a day I dreaded and it went .. somewhat better than I expected. Everyone seems the same, except that all the cousins are bigger, most of them taller and towering over me. Felt awkward, having distant relatives there (someone I never fancied) and the whole celebration mode. Lots of photo-snapping, cakes, singing etc and for once, we went to a fancy (sort of) restaurant compared to where we usually go. I supposed it’s not everyday my granny turns 70. And then came the worst part .. going home. I guess in a way I had to thank my aunt for making the effort and also making things the least bit awkward, I guess she’s good at that. Seeing mum again was .. awkward. It feels like seeing dad, the usual how are you and standard questions before silence follows. I supposed our nucleus family relationship fell out years ago. We just never had that type of relationship and I guess we never will
Work has been crazy, sudden rush of jobs incoming (good sign) and also many other things not related to my day job, but also counts as work. The new site? Taking longer than expected to go live, more issues as we go along trying to get things in place. I supposed partly, or majority it is my fault for the delay. I just no longer feel as motivated as I used to be, not as passionate, not adrenaline-rushed about things in life. Sometimes, I have no idea why I am on this earth. Depressing to have these thoughts isn’t it?
Someone gave me a book ‘The Big Idea’ as a motivator. Yes, it is indeed inspiring to read all the success stories in there and also have been meeting different people for work who are successful in their own ways. Part of my has that flicker of passion ignited each time I speak to them but that’s all it is. A flicker. That dims. It doesn’t burn with passion like I once used to. What happened to that part of me? I thought things would all change once things are stable. Which they somewhat are now, it feels like the storm has passed. Yet, here I am. Wondering what has gone wrong. Or perhaps it is true, I am my worst enemy?